The basis of success in anything and everything is self love. It’s the single most important thing in life and it seems to be the thing we have the hardest time doing.

I get tons of questions like:

• How do I stop hating myself?
• How do I love myself?
• How can I stop being such a loser?
• How can I stop being so average and boring?

These sorts of questions break my heart because I know how magnificent you are even if I’ve never met you. I know all of the things you are capable of and I know that you have amazing gifts that could change the world if you only recognized, utilized and allowed them to do so.

We are all magnificent beings with amazing abilities and beautiful souls. If we all recognized this, the world would be an even more beautiful place.

How to Love Yourself

How to love yourself isn’t something that can be easily answered in a single blog post. None of us are born disliking ourselves. It’s a learned behavior thrust upon us by situations and circumstances of life. These situations and circumstances create scars within us. People create scars on each other because their own scars cause them pain. We create scars within ourselves because of false beliefs about who we are.

Only when we learn to break this vicious cycle in our own lives will we find peace, acceptance and love for not only ourselves, but everyone and everything in this universe we share, as well.

Everyone’s different. Everyone dislikes themselves for different reasons. Everyone has different reasons for dislikes. What helps one person for a specific dislike will do nothing for another with the same dislike.

Make a List

I would start by making two lists.

1. Things you dislike about your self and life.
2. Things you like about yourself and life.

Set the list of likes to the side and look at the dislikes.

Are there any things you can change? (Know the difference between things you can’t change and things you are unwilling to change) Implement changes where you can. It will take time but just stay focused on it and the goals. Make every decision to move you closer to these end goals. Set daily intentions to keep you on track.

Example Goals:

• Get in shape
• Get a better job
• Do more outside
• Find more friends
• Make X amount of money
• Mend relationships
• Whatever it may be.

What things can you not change no matter what? Learn to see them differently. There aren’t many things in life we absolutely can’t control but we can’t control other people and we can’t control certain aspects about ourselves. Learn to accept them as they are and trust that there is a good reason they are that way.

Take the list of good things that you like about yourself and keep it with you at all times. Not in a wallet, where you’ll never see it, but in your pocket where it’ll be on your mind often. 

Be thankful for these things and every time you see the list or feel the list in your pocket, think of how happy you are that you have those things. If you start feeling down, think of the list. Focus on it.

Like attracts like. The more you focus on good things, the more good things that will come your way. It’s a vibration thing and that’s why it’s so important to do things that make you happy.

The happier you are » the higher your vibrations » the more good things you will manifest. 

I would also consider hiring a coach. It’s our job to help you get through these sorts of things. It’s hard to do it on your own. Self love is the core to happiness and a great life. Good luck and come talk to me if you need more specific help.

Shift your focus

Energy flows where attention goes and what gets energy, grows. This means the more you focus on something, the more of that you will get in return. If you focus on bad, you will find and receive more bad. If you focus on the good, you will find and receive more good. Like attracts like.

Find what you don’t hate about yourself and focus on just those things. You can even start small with things like:

• I don’t hate my hair.
• I guess my eyes aren’t so bad.
• I’m so much smarter than my dog.
• I sure am good at breathing.
• I am awesome at this existing thing.
• I sure can do some sleeping.
• Look at how great of an eater I am.
• etc

It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Every time you find something you dislike, look for something you do like. Or at least don’t hate. You get what you focus on most often. It’s the law of attraction and like attracts like.

If you try to shift your focus from bad to good, you’ll start to notice more and more good. Things that are “okay” will turn into things you “like” which will eventually evolve into things you “love”!

It’s like the snowball effect. You know, roll a snowball down a hill and as it gains momentum it will grow. So throw some positive thoughts into the world about yourself and watch them grow!

Practice Gratitude

Also, I want you to practice gratitude and maybe some meditation. Gratitude will help you in shifting your focus from the negative things to the positive.

Meditation will help you to sort things out, find the real causes for your self despair and remedy them at the root. Practice being thankful for everything you come into contact with.

• Thank you air. I like breathing.
• Thank you water. I like being hydrated.
• Thank you sun. Seeing is nice.
• Thank you car. Walking takes longer.
• Thank you house. I would die if exposed to the elements.
• Everything.

We naturally begin to think life doesn’t suck when we practice gratitude for everything. And meditation is a way of retraining your mind to believe and think differently. It can be hugely beneficial for you in every aspect of your life as well.

Figure out who you want to be

Just like we can’t manifest what we want until we know what it is we want, we can’t be who we want to be until we know who that is. Clarity and focus are the keys to accomplishing anything.

I’d ask you to imagine the best possible version of yourself. What would you look like? What things would you do? How would you dress, speak and interact with others? That’s who you are inside. Start implementing things to bring that person in you, out.

Start changing the things you dislike. There are very few things we can’t change about ourselves and if we change all of those things, that which we can’t change will be minor. We can learn to accept minor things. It all starts with the decision to change.

Give yourself a break

Don’t be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect and that’s ok. We all have imperfections to keep things interesting. But we all, also, have great aspects about us. We just have to find them and utilize them. Follow your interests and passions and they’ll lead you to your talents and ambitions. 

Speak kindly to yourself. You are the most important person to get praise from. You can’t rely on someone else to pat you on the back. Everyone else is too caught up in wanting someone to praise them also.

Take the initiative and compliment your self and while you’re at it, compliment and praise everyone you come into contact with also.

Would you say hurtful things to your child? Your grandmother? Your best friend? Then don’t say them to yourself either. They do damage that’s hard to repair.

There are lots of things you can do to build yourself up. Here’s a huge list: A Massive Compilation of how to Manifest Happiness

Address the underlying causes

There’s a lot to learning to love yourself and no simple answer. Everyone is completely different and techniques and things that work for one person may not work for others.

You have to take the initiative to decide that you WILL do what it takes to be happy and content with who you are. You have to CHOOSE to go on a self discovery journey to find what helps you. 

To do the things listed above without addressing the problem at it’s core won’t do you a whole lot of good. You need to figure out not only what you specifically hate about yourself, but why.

Is your why a truth or a false belief you’ve been conditioned to believe? More than likely, it’s a false belief and once you recognize that it is, what it stems from and what the truth behind it really is, you can begin to heal it.

There’s no one size fits all to changing your beliefs and it has to be done gradually. You can’t go from one extreme to another, over night. You can’t go from “I hate myself” to “I love myself” the next day. But you can make gradual steps like:

• Maybe the reason I hate myself is this
• This is why I hate myself
• Maybe that doesn’t really have anything to do with me
• Maybe I don’t HATE myself
• Maybe I just don’t really like who I am
• Maybe I can change who I am
• This is how I change that
• Hey I’m starting to change that
• Hmm, I can really start to tell a difference
• And so on and so forth

Everything is always changing anyway. Gradually, hardly noticeable, yet constantly. All we can hope to do is direct the change in a positive direction.

I would suggest hiring yourself a coach. I don’t care if it’s me or not, I just want you to have some support and guidance. Doing these things alone can take a very long time to accomplish, that is, if you can figure out how to do it alone at all.

We are all our own worst enemies and it’s hard to become friends with someone you’ve hated for so long. But it is possible. You just have to believe it is. I believe we should all love ourselves and our lives and I believe we all are capable of doing so with a little support and guidance.

What if other people hate me too?

First, I would ask if you are sure that they actually hate you? Have you done something specific to each and every one of them to cause them to hate you? If so, I would probably just go somewhere and start over again or go through and make it right with all of them because that’s about all of your options.

Unless you’ve done something specific to each and every one of them, I highly doubt they hate you. Often, we project our inner beliefs onto others, subconsciously or otherwise. 

They don’t hate us. We only think they do because we dislike ourselves. Most people honestly don’t care one way or another about most people. They’re too busy worrying about their own problems and inner battles.

The very few that do actually dislike you for apparently no reason are projecting their inner battles with themselves that have nothing at all to do with you. Treat them with kindness, they need it most.

Treat everyone all of the time with love, kindness, acceptance and above all, love yourself.

People are mean to me

I see this a lot. I believe some people’s poor attempt at humor is to be mean toward certain people. They single out the ones that give them reactions.

Remember, you set the standard for how people treat you. You can decide to act like what hurtful things they say are true, or you can decide that they aren’t and that you deserve to be treated better.

My family has this off sense of humor. They never direct it toward me because I bore them. I just look at them or go on a long explanation of some random fact that they made me think of.

My reaction is dull. My sister, on the other hand is ALWAYS the target of their cruel jokes and comments. This is because she gets mad and throws remarks back at them. It’s all about the reaction you give them.

You may try to do it back and it doesn’t turn out so well. First, I would tell you that two wrongs don’t make a right.

Second, I would notice the attitude in which they do it and in which you do it. If theirs is “in good spirits” they think they’re having fun and it’s all good. They don’t realize they’re hurting your feelings or don’t care because they think it’s all fun and games and that you should “toughen up”.

The only way to do it back is to do it in the same tone that they do it, or it will be perceived as combative, which will cause problems.

My best advice is to learn to not react and to lead by example. Learn to be happy and meet people with love and kindness and they’ll eventually stop. Either because your reaction no longer amuses them or because you’re so sweet and kind that they don’t want to put anything mean in your direction.

I wish you the best and I hope this helps.

Some people are mean just to be mean. This has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with the inner battles they have. Treat them with love and kindness. They’re the ones that need it the most.

Happiness is a complex thing. It stems from all aspects of your life and can be completely thrown off by just one of the branches.
Does your life give you fulfillment?

I want you to look at life not as something that happens to you but as something that you control and create. It can be like whatever you want it to be like as long as you have a little direction and commitment in making it happen.

Believe that you are in control of your life and that you can change it any time you want. If your feeling sorry for yourself for a certain reason, maybe it’s the universe or your inner self trying to show you where to make changes in your life. 

Empower yourself to make changes that will make you completely happy. I believe everyone needs a coach to help guide and support them. I would urge you to consider getting one. You deserve to be happy and have everything you want in life.

I wish you all of the luck in the world. (Even though I believe that luck is something you create for yourself)

Best Vibes Always,

S.S.Blake

Other Articles You May Enjoy:

• Nurturing the Self: A Guide to Personal Growth and Inner Peace
• How to Hold Your Confidence in the Face of Peer Pressure ; Heal & Be Powerful
• How to Overcome Fear & Step into Your Unfiltered Power to Gain Confidence & Manifest Your Dreams
• How to Become Empowered Through Healing Your Generational Curses
• How to Find Self Love & Acceptance Through Healing Cultural Shame

Author

S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water

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