The birth of my first born was rather unremarkable. It was a standard hospital birth with an epidural. I was terrified. Although my husband was with me, I felt alone.
When the whole thing was over and I held my son for the first time, I was physically and emotionally numb. I didn’t feel any differently. I didn’t feel like I had just experienced the most magical and remarkable thing in our lives. I didn’t feel this life changing swarm of emotions. I felt…Nothing.
That’s not entirely true. I felt disappointed. But I had nothing to be disappointed about…I had a healthy baby, I was healthy. Everything had went perfectly textbook and it was an easy birth. But something was missing.
When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was determined to get it right. MY “right”. I wanted a natural birth with zero interventions. I straight told my doctor I wanted her to just stand in the corner and not touch me unless it was an emergency.
The number one factor in getting this birth that I wanted: A Doula.
Doulas increase the likelihood of desired birth outcomes. They decrease the likelihood of unwanted interventions. They help you advocate for your wishes. Help you to know your rights which is SO IMPORTANT in our current system.
My Doula, Kirsten Clark
After interviewing several doulas, I was led to MINE. Kirsten Clark is wonderful. We hit it off immediately and I knew without a doubt she was the one.
Kirsten is a “birth junkie” which I can relate to. She spends nearly every moment immersed in the world of pregnancy, birth and postpartum. She’s highly knowledgeable and passionate about this subject.
Our first meeting, which was suppose to last about 30-45 minutes, ran on for about an hour and a half until we decided we couldn’t sit here and talk all day!
She was invaluable to my pregnancy journey and almost a year after my daughter was born, we still stay in touch and she’s got some amazing things to offer the world!
Here’s my interview with a doula:
So many people ask “What is that?” when I mention “My Doula”. I’m sure you get this a lot, so, What IS a doula?
The word doula means “servant” and that is essentially what I am: a person who serves the needs of expectant mothers and their family. In professional terms, a doula is a pregnancy and labor coach.
I support mothers in whatever their needs are through the journey of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
You did SO much for me between offering access to your pregnancy and birth library, physical and emotional support, Birth coaching, folding my laundry even! What are all the services you provide as a birth doula?
Prenatally, I offer a lot of resources and information to help moms decide what is important to them in their birth and what goals they’d like to set. Many local medical staff are not up-to-date on the evidence for the safest options for birth, so education is a major component of what I do.
I was personally a huge emotional wreck during my last two pregnancies and needed a LOT of emotional support, so giving that same support now to my clients is one of my biggest passions. It is so very normal to have a lot of big feelings during pregnancy & labor. Having someone there to listen and validate what you’re going through can help you feel safe and secure.
During labor, much of my support is to increase the comfort of the laboring mama. Massage and gentle touch can help distract from the pressure and intensity of contractions. I create a safe space with warm vibes that counteract the sterility of the hospital environment; an essential oil diffusing lavender and some cheery Christmas lights go a long way. Recently, I’ve begun offering water labor tubs because I’m a huge believer in the power of warm water to relax and relieve pain.
Postpartum, I show up and help with whatever the family needs. That may be holding a fussy baby, folding laundry, playing with older siblings, or loading the dishwasher. Postpartum can be a really fragile, tiring transition time, so having extra support can help families make the adjustment to a new baby much more smoothly.
This year, I’ve expanded into offering henna belly art, placenta encapsulation, and birth classes. As I see needs in our community, I work to meet those needs because every family deserves to feel supported and loved in their pregnancy journey.
All of that is perfect and beautiful! It meant so much to me that you had been in my position and were SO empathetic to my anxiety and needs for emotional support.
I also LOVED my belly henna! You’re the true caring embodiment of a Pisces!
We all know that giving birth is risky business. Our views on birth as an entire society is very fear based. What are some facts and statistics you can give us about the risks and our current medical system and how a doula eases these stresses?
Birth across the United States is riddled with many interventions, unnecessary Cesarean surgeries, and birth trauma.
There has been a lot of amazing research on how doulas significantly decrease risks of Cesarean birth (39% decrease), need for pain relief medication (10% decrease), and risk of being dissatisfied with the birth experience (31% decrease).
Doulas are a low-risk option to ensure birth is safer and more supported.
You provided SO much emotional support for me during my pregnancy. I was anxiety ridden 24/7 and you were a lifesaver in easing that for me. What other types of emotional support do you provide? What are some common emotional needs you see in your mother clients?
It is normal to have a lot of fear and anxiety around birth. It can be so wildly unpredictable physiologically. Our current birth client in the US is generally hostile, if not flat-out dangerous, to mothers and babies. There is little continual support from medical staff for the mother’s whole self and mental/emotional/spiritual wellbeing.
As a doula, I offer mothers a safe space to share their feelings. Often the most important thing a mother needs is someone to listen and validate her experience.
I believe deeply that a mother’s intuition is the most intrinsic wisdom of birth and seek to affirm and draw out that intuition in a mother who may be doubting her Self’s ability to know what is right for her and her baby.
I understand you’ve got a Doula Scholarship that you take donations for to provide low income mothers with doula service! What can you tell us about that and how can we help?
We’re in the midst of a maternal and infant mortality crisis here in Alabama, with women of color and their babies dying and being injured and traumatized at rates higher than almost anywhere in the US. Luckily, there is an answer to combating these grim statistics – doula support! Unfortunately, most women in need don’t have the financial ability to hire a doula. I hope to combat that with this doula fund, by increasing the access to doula support that is so crucial to helping moms and babies. I’m honored to be partnering with my doula clients as well as the community at large in this endeavor.
Myth Busting
Myth: If you’re planning to get an epidural, you don’t need a doula.
Truth: All mothers can benefit from a doula, whether they’re planning a medicated or unmedicated birth. During labor, doulas can help mothers move into different positions (including pushing positions – you don’t have to give birth on your back just because you have an epidural!), can help mothers communicate effectively with their doctor and nurses, and can create a welcoming environment to labor and birth in.
Myth: Doulas take the place of fathers in the delivery room.
Truth: Doulas LOVE dads & birth partners, especially partners who want to play a large role in the birth process. As much as doulas work to empower mothers in birth, they also work to empower the non-birthing partner. The presence of a doula does not in any way take the place of the dad / partner, but DOES take the pressure off the father to feel like he is fully responsible to support his partner who is laboring. Birth is a transformative process for fathers, too, and doulas can help them feel more emotionally connected during labor.
Becoming a mother (even if it’s not your first) is a powerful and otherworldly experience. It’s just as much an intense spiritual and mental transformation as it is physical.
We’ve gotten away from the tribal, primal, warrior goddess vibrations of the whole situation that we all deeply crave. The process is ancient and sacred. Connecting us to our roots that run deep into mother earth and all of the women that came before us.
Kirsten was able to give me the magical birth I had imagined. It was 100% natural with complete freedom of motion and zero interventions. The whole thing from the first contraction to holding my daughter in my arms was about 4 hrs! You can read all about my birth story here.
We were not meant to embark on this sacred feminine journey alone. We need each other’s support to fully step into our power and embody the strength it takes to bring life into this earthly realm of ours. I couldn’t have done any of it without the support Kirsten provided me and my family!
Bio: “Kirsten is a birth doula, a mama of three, an amateur gardener, and a Joanna Gaines wannabe who lives in Huntsville, Alabama.”
How to get in touch with Kirsten:
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Author
S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water
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