How to Navigate Overwhelm as a Mother ⋆ Earth and Water

Motherhood is the hardest job on the planet and we all think we should be able to handle everything on our own. It’s society’s fault for dividing us into nuclear families so that we very rarely have access to our “village”.

It’s history’s misogynistic ways that makes us feel as though we have to prove ourselves and never ask for help. It’s watching our mother’s and grandmother’s put on their stone faces and soldier on in silence.

It’s a lot of things. All coming together to make us feel inadequate because we have a hard time with motherhood some days. Sometimes living in a perpetual state of panic and overwhelm at the depth of what we expect from ourselves per these crazy high standards we’ve been exposed to, often indirectly.

First off, let me tell you that you ARE enough. Your best is enough and you should honestly probably stop trying SO hard and make time for YOU also. Now let’s go over some things that can help you to feel a little less overwhelmed.

Creating Space

We only have the capacity for X amount of things in our lives and minds. When you add a couple of kids to the mix, overwhelm is easily reached because you no longer have just your (and perhaps your partner’s) things to keep up with but EVERYTHING that goes along with each child as well.

Most of us don’t realize that “stuff” takes up this space as well. A piece of our capacity is attached to every object in our house. Those piles of clothes and stuffed closets are contributing to your overwhelm.

The stacks of papers all over your kitchen counters and desks are adding to your overwhelm. Your full inbox, the endlessly overflowing toy bins, the garage or room you can’t walk through. It all adds to your overwhelm.

Those things aren’t just inanimate objects minding their own business. They’re things on your to do list to go through, sort, clean, organize, store, sale, etc, etc.

Go through what you can and get rid of everything that doesn’t have an immediate use. I don’t recommend ever keeping something “just in case” or because “I’ll fit back into it” or because “They’ll grow into it in a few/couple of years”.

Enlist some help if you need to. Make a day or a weekend of it and just get rid of it all so you never have to worry about it again.

Keeping a planner

I’ve always been really good at keeping up with appointments and commitments in my head. And then I had my 2nd child.

Keeping up with 4 people’s worth of doctor’s appointments, dentists, eye exams, events and holidays, birthdays, work things, etc is endless and creates overwhelm all on it’s own.

I had to get a planner to keep up with it all and I couldn’t recommend it any more. You see, overwhelm stems from our minds living in the past, future and present all at the same time. Stressing because so much needs to be done and there’s only so much time to do it all and everyone always needs something and there’s no time for it all.

My way of managing this overwhelm is writing EVERYTHING into my planner. Not only appointments and events but I also:

Schedule out dinner a week at a time so that I’m not trying to figure out on the spot what to cook.
Schedule in down time for myself so that I can recharge my batteries and take care of myself.
Schedule grocery shopping and errands.
To do lists for both home and work.
Shopping lists
Everything.

And then I tell myself it’s okay to let it all go. I trust myself to put things in the planner and I trust that anything that doesn’t make it in there is of no importance anyway. I let the planner hold all of my obligations and needs and where I’ll make time for these things so I don’t have to. Essentially, giving it to the pages to worry about so I don’t have to.

Delegate and Ask for Help

I know we all feel as though we have to handle everything on our own but we don’t. Especially if you have a partner. It doesn’t matter if that partner works long hours outside of the home and you don’t.

Life is a joint effort and if you’re overwhelmed by it all and have no time for yourself while they’re lounging around without a care in the world then they need you to give them some jobs.

I downloaded a family organization app where you can share to do lists, shopping lists, calendars for appointments and food plans across multiple devices. The one I like is called Cozi.

My husband and I both add things to it and it helps us keep up with everything that needs to be done. Most of the time, the people in our lives WANT to help us. They just don’t know how to and need some direction.

Most of the time, we’re REALLY bad at asking for help. By having this share-all app and explaining to them what it’s for and why, you don’t have to ask. You can simply add things to the app and then they can take some of the things off of your plate.

Life is a team sport. Enlist your team and be their captain and everyone’s life will run smoother.

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