The History of Holding on
Learning how to let go of negative events can be one of the hardest things we do as humans. It’s the negative events in our lives that shape us. They make us into who we are which means they are seemingly impossible to escape.
In earlier times, before the developed world, when we lived in the untamed wilderness, holding onto these experiences was how we learned to survive.
Positive events didn’t try to kill us, therefore they weren’t important in shaping who we were. Surviving the bad things though, carved road maps into our DNA about how the world worked and how to keep living in it.
If something harmed us, we learned to stay away from it. We held onto the anger, disgust or displeasure of it so that we didn’t allow it to hurt us again.
We store this negative event in our physical body somewhere. Our physical body however, can’t differentiate between something trying to kill us and someone lashing out because they had a bad day.
It all causes the same stress which leaves survival marks and scars.Our body and mind work together as one though, and It’s up to our minds to start differentiating between useful and useless memories for our bodies.
We need to start telling our bodies when they need to let go of things. My friend Dean Abraham addresses this very well.
Holding onto things so that we may survive them if they come around again was a great thing in the wild. Without it, you and I would not be here.
Our ancestors would have died out. In these days and times though, the world isn’t as dangerous as it once was. Holding onto these negative emotions no longer serves us and instead can cause great illness and health problems.
Learning how to let go of these survival methods is the only way to find peace and happiness. We no longer have to protect ourselves as we once did.
Learning to let go is a skill anyone can master. When learned and practiced well, we can even let go of things as they are occurring.
Therefore by-passing any stress, anger or upset that it otherwise would have caused and simply allowing ourselves instead, to remain in the bliss of peace and happiness.
The Hindsight Window
I recently discovered a guy named Eric Edmeades. I came across one of his videos through Mindvalley and I absolutely fell in love. So I spent the next several hours cleaning my house and listening to video after video of his.
One of which he had a terrible connection and I only caught every few words but hey, I’m nothing if not dedicated.
In one video he was talking about hindsight windows. A hindsight window is how long it takes you to let go of something negative. The longer that window stays open, the unhappier you’ll be.
The less time it takes for you to let go of something negative, such as a traumatizing event or something that hurt you, thus, closing the window, the happier you will be.
Sounds like common since, right? Of course the sooner I can get over something, the sooner I can move on with my life and be happy.
I heard someone say one time though, “To know and not to do is not to know.” So we know this, but we don’t practice it.
Some of us stay stuck in this grief, anger or damage, unwilling or unsure how to escape it for years or decades.
Remaining stuck in this place keeps us from moving forward. It hinders our growth and expansion. It does nothing but keep us unhappy, miserable, broken and unsatisfied.
The longer we hold onto these feelings, the more it will gnaw and chip away at our inner peace until it consumes us. We can only truly find ourselves when we learn to move past it.
Find the Good & Forgive the bad
I’ve been practicing this art of how to let go by finding the good in everything. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that the universe is good and on our side. So when something bad happens, I analyze it until I can find the good in it.
I had a lot of anger when I was growing up. Being unaware that my father had adopted me, I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit into the family the way everyone else did. I was unintentionally emotionally abused, left alone and treated unfairly.
I had rock bottom self esteem and confidence. I was a timid little girl stuck in her own head and terrified of people.
To find happiness and peace within myself as well as in my world, I had to find forgiveness, gratitude and the good in my childhood. I had to find purpose in it.
I was grown and married before I was able to see the good in any of it. It made me strong, kind, forgiving, loving, self reliant, mature and responsible. It taught me how to take care of myself and rely on no one but myself.
This has all brought me to who I am today and what I’m doing in the world. It helped me find my place. Without it, I wouldn’t be living this life and for that I am thankful.
I have learned to forgive because we are all human and we all have our short comings. We all have the best intentions. Even the villain is the hero of their own story.
Everyone is out there doing the best that they can with what they have available at the moment. And most don’t have the insight of possibilities.
Many see the world on a one dimensional, linear scale. With one direction to go. They don’t see that they have choices, options or what it takes to move to a different path other than the one directly in front of them.
That’s why it’s up to people like me to do what we can to help the others. That’s why I do what I do. I see the world differently than most. There are possibilities, options, choices and paths all around us.
Each thought has multiple directions it can lead. I hope to help show people that they can do, have or be anything they wish if they set their mind to it.
Forgiveness Meditation
Is there someone you need to forgive in order to let go and move on?
Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did was okay. It simply means that you’ll no longer allow it to control you or take up space in your life. You’ll no longer allow it to hold you back.
Find a comfortable seated position and clothes your eyes. Breathe deep into the belly and relax your body with every exhale.
Shoulders back and down, spine tall and straight.
Imagine the person standing in front of you. If the person you need to forgive is yourself, imagine yourself or do this exercise in front of a mirror.
Say the words alloud, “I forgive you. I aknowledge that we are all human and imperfect. Most of us are doing the best that we can with what we are given. Most of us don’t recieve the love we need to thrive.
We learn and we grow. I choose to replace anger with compassion.”
The first time you do this exercise you may not feel anything. The more you repeat it, though, the more you’ll forgive and let go. Keep on practicing it until you feel like you no longer need to.
Do it until you feel unattached to what happened and are free to move forward.
Gratitude
Eric Edmeades taught in his video that you find the good by practicing gratitude. When you find yourself in a negative situation, look at what you can be thankful for. His insights helped deepen my own practice of closing the hindsight window.
The next time you are in a negative or even tragic situation take a moment to stop and think about everything that you can be thankful for.
Think about the good that can come out of the situation at hand and find gratitude for that silver lining. Keep looking for things to be thankful for until you feel the stress and anger melt away into calm and peace.
I know that this can seem easier said than done. Especially in severe cases.
We just had 2 untimely deaths in my family. A 16 year old and a one month old. As hard as some situations can be, you have to hold onto your practice of letting go of these painful emotions.
Feel them, and then release them. You have to trust that there is good in everything and that everything happens for a reason. We don’t know what good came out of their deaths, but I trust that there was.
Maybe they inspired someone to do something that will change the world that would have never occurred had they lived. You just never know the reasons or the flow of events that may have been set into motion because of an event.
Seemingly negative things are part of life. They happen to us all. The sooner we can close the window of pain and misery opened by these events, the happier of a life we can live.
If you can’t find good and gratitude in something, make something good from it. You have hold all of the power in how you allow something to effect you and how you allow it to effect your world.
You can choose to allow it to consume you or you can choose to build something great out of it. Teach others. Create something. Help people in similar situations. Bring awareness. Build things.
When we choose to turn these negatives into positives is when we make the world a better place.
Best Vibes Always,
S.S.Blake
Other Articles You May Enjoy:
- How to Navigate The Stigma of Neurodivergences and Learning Disabilities
- How to Find Energy Patterns that Alcohol is Masking so You Can Find Purpose & Fulfillment
- How Past Life Regression Can Help You Understand, Heal & Create Your Own Reality
- How to Trust Your Intuition & Give Yourself Permission to Grow & Manifest Abundance
- How to Ease the Grief Process by Normalizing Death in Our Society & Culture
Author
S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water
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