“It takes a village”. We know this, right? It’s a pretty common phrase. We all know what it means. It’s referring to children and raising them. It takes a village to really raise the next generation how they should be. In a way where everyone thrives and excels for the betterment of mankind.
It’s such a simple and serene concept. The picture in our minds of happy children frolicking with one another in the green yard. The parents, the grandparents, the friends and other family members, even the neighbors teaching them and pitching in to care for them.
Yeah. What a vision. Something that is mostly fairy tale in modern times but was once the standard. The every day societal norm. Far too many families don’t have this anymore and it’s really taking a toll on our mental health and well being. Far too many suffer these days because they don’t have the support team they need. Life is, after all, a team sport.
Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash
Parents Are Still People
Parents are the center of society. They’re the people ensuring the future of mankind. How they do at this most important job determines the fate of us all. And yet, we don’t do much to ensure that they succeed at this role.
Throughout society and history, all around the world, people lived together. Helping and supporting one another. No one of us can manage everything that needs to be done on our own.
To fully thrive, a parent needs to meet their own needs and the needs of the children. A seemingly simple task but when you really break down what all that entails, it’s a wonder any of us are reaching our potential.
Children need to be taught manners, self care, how to live in our culture and eat properly to not get sick. They need to know their history and their selves. How to read, write, count, think and lead. All while getting enough love and attention so that they don’t grow into fractured adults.
Parents need most of these same things, with the addition of a few, all while carrying the responsibility of all of the above for their children on their shoulders. Often times alone, with no help. Parents care for themselves and the children, but no one cares for the parents.
When children are born we so often forget the needs of the parents. They matter too. More than we acknowledge. They have emotional, mental, physical and spiritual needs just like everyone else.
Our natural state should always be that of a caregiver. Whether that be in the form of a friend, partner or relative. We need to put forth more of an effort into our relationships and building each other up.
Socioeconomic Issues
Our culture has sectioned us off into individual households. Many of us go days on average without speaking to another human or one that isn’t our child or spouse. We run ourselves down to the core until there’s nothing left because our culture praises and glamorizes the “hustle”, independence and doing it all on your own.
As a whole we’re lonely, anxious, depressed and unable to fulfill our full potential because humans are social creatures and meant to live in villages. We all have strengths and weaknesses that compliment one another.
Not all of us were meant to be independent and self sufficient and that’s ok. It just means our strengths lie somewhere else. All of us, though, every single one of us, have strengths that compliment the whole when we find our place in society.
Our schools and government have their own agendas and although they possibly may actually mean well, aren’t designing their programs as optimally as they could.
Employers aren’t doing what they can to help parents navigate the demanding world of child rearing. Many parents find themselves stuck with the strict and unyielding regulations.
Family members are often too self absorbed (due to their own fractures from this system) to pitch in like they should to help their loved ones in the best interest of the children.
We’ve become far too divided. In every aspect. All of us waiting around for someone to care. Forgetting that it starts with us choosing to be the one to care and do what we can to help those around us.
Reforming Our Village
Nearly every one I talk to wants to live in a commune. They may not call it that but the vision is always the same. Pitching in and buy a patch of land, throwing some houses on it and living together with their friends and family sharing responsibilities and resources. So why isn’t this what we’re doing?
We’ve become so protective in what is “ours”. Living in a world of lack where you mustn’t let anyone take what is yours. Where we can’t give what we have because that means we have less. This mindset, though, isn’t a truth.
The more we give, the more we receive. It’s the law of attraction at it’s most basic mechanics. The more we share what we have, the richer our lives will be.
I recently had a friend who was running down on her luck so I offered her and her son a bedroom in our house. The richness it’s brought our lives has been something none of us could have predicted.
We’re all less stressed and happier because we’re sharing our time, space, resources and responsibilities. The house is cleaner because there’s more people to pitch in. There’s more free time because there’s more people to share in the chores.
The kids have someone to play with and mostly occupy themselves with adventures of their own. We are being better versions of ourselves because we have someone to share accountability in our goals, be there to take the pressure off when one of us is having a hard time emotionally or physically and we no longer feel alone.
Choosing Your Village Carefully
Obviously, this is great in concept and not so easily done efficiently in life. People can be hard to live with and this is essentially why we’ve fractured ourselves to begin with.
If you don’t choose people with the right energy and vortex, you’ll end up with stress and drama. When you’re growing your village, keep some key points in mind when choosing who will be a part of your “family”:
- People with positive traits
- You want people in your everyday life who are positive and try to be their best selves. This means no toxic people or lazy leaches.
- People who have the same values as you
- It’s hard to live with people who don’t put family #1 like you or believe in chores before play, homework before TV, healthy meals and everything else that’s specifically important to you in your life. When values align, everything falls into place more easily.
- People who are evolved/evolving
- This means you too. Evolved people understand their own wounds, responsibilities and toxic traits. They don’t put expectations on others to be or act in a certain way and they don’t take out their problems on those around them. This is perhaps the most important point because without this maturity from all parties involved, feelings stay hurt and resentment bubbles and wars break out. No bueno. Everyone needs to be trying their best to be their best.
Finding these people can prove difficult but when you’re intermingling your aura and energy and those of your children with someone on a daily basis, it’s important you’re choosing people who are going to be mutually beneficial to the whole.
When everyone involved compliments each other and pulls their own weight, intertwining your every day life with others can be a beautiful thing and really help ease all of the issues that make “adulting” so damn hard.
Getting Started in Creating Your Village
Obviously, we’re not just going to start moving people into our spaces. Getting to that level takes time and trust. Getting moving in that direction, though, shouldn’t be seen as such a ridiculous idea.
Just make friends. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and hang out with people. Care for people and help others out when and where you can. Even when you’d rather be lazy and binge The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.
Work on your own goals and personal development and inspire others to improve themselves. Be supportive, listen, accept people where they are without expectations or judgement. Just be a good friend to everyone you find in your life and see where it leads. Have conversations with people.
It may end before it begins, it may not last or it may turn into lifelong friendships like those you see in movies. Where you raise your children together and find yourself in a front porch rocking chair side by side, yelling at one another in conversation because you’re old and deaf, reminiscing on the memories of your life together and talking about your grandchildren.
What do you have to add to this article? Do you have a village? Do you desire one? Do you have some tips to add? Tell us in the comments below!
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- Transform Your Limiting Beliefs: 5 Practical Steps to Embracing an Abundance Mindset
- The Second Insight: Understanding How History Created Our World
Author
S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water
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Awesome post! Keep up the great work! 🙂