Each of our minds are as unique as our fingerprints. A beautiful and vibrant complexity that transcends limits of understanding and wonder. Capable of creation, imagination and magnificent feats in each and every instance and individual. We use words to try and create bridges from one mind to the next, finding common ground often but never once meshing fully and completely across the board. This is why ‘one size fits all’ approaches to societal systems make little sense (especially where education is concerned).
Those who fall outside of the narrow parameters set for these systems are met with a stigma that makes them even harder to navigate than they already are for them. Neurodivergent people (and those with learning disabilities, but since I feel the word ‘disability’ and ‘disorder’ to be disempowering, I’ma use ‘neurodivergences’ to encompass both moving forward) tend to unendingly clash with these systems, finding them especially frustrating because of the stereotypes attached to their specific diagnosis and label within them.
Diagnoses have their ups and downs. On one hand, it’s invaluable to know what type of mind you’re working with so that adjustments can be made where needed. Especially in school settings. On the other hand, a diagnosis gets you a label and a stereotype that effects the way people interact with you. Many people assume that neuro-minorities are incapable of basic tasks and understanding, which simply isn’t the case.
We bunch like labels together, forgetting that even within similar and same diagnoses we have an unending spectrum of diversity. Each person carrying with them a different struggle, regardless of their mind type. For example, we could have 20 different autistic people and each and every one could have different struggles and capabilities related to their autism. We should be approaching each individual with open ended curiosity rather than any sort of assumption.
Isolation and belittlement can be very real realities for those already struggling in a world that wasn’t created for them. Aside from chronic loneliness, confidence and self esteem can suffer as those experiencing this stigma internalize their diagnosis and how they’re treated due to it. It’s hard not to when you’ve been given the label of “disorder’ or ‘disability’ and are told by the people around you of how incapable you are and how you’ll never [insert any of the list of things people presume here].
Stigmas also make getting a proper diagnosis difficult. Girls, for example, generally have a hard time getting a diagnosis of autism or dyscalculia. Similarly, Asians are also often seen as incapable of struggling, especially academically, therefore go undiagnosed. Those in neurodivergent categories who go undiagnosed can find themselves spiraling down an abyss of self loathing because of the misunderstanding of why they struggle with things most everyone around them has no problem with.
Making things better for neuro-minorities (and their loved ones) means first educating people on them. The more widely known we can make the information we have on these things, the more the stigma will disappear. We also need to empower those experiencing these realities through encouragement and support systems. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, regardless of neuro-wiring. We should be encouraging individuals across the board to explore every corner until they find their strengths and talents.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy what we had to say on the subject as we both shared our own very similar and very different experiences with our own respective neuro-wiring struggles.
This was a fun episode that took place while storms were rolling into my location. I warned our guest, Michelle Steiner, that at any point I may lose power or have to run due to a tornado warning. I mention in the episode that the power was flickering at one point and when we stopped recording I was immediately met with a tornado warning that sent my children, dog Zuko and myself to the storm shelter for 3 hours as tornados pummeled the area.
Beginning –
Discussing the stigma neurodivergent people as well as those with learning disabilities experience from the average person in the average setting and how that encompasses all of the social settings. Especially when you live in a small town and go to a small school. In these types of settings, isolation can be even more extreme because they’re less people like you and everyone else feels as though they don’t need to get to know you in order to understand who you are.
In these settings, finding groups outside of your normal circles can be incredibly helpful to finding connection and belonging. Humans are communal creatures and the loneliness we experience when we’re considered different from the majority can be devastatingly catastrophic if left to fester. It’s of the utmost importance that you continue looking for people with similar interests that you can connect with and sometimes that can take quite a bit of perseverance and research.
The traditional school setting is very limited on the subjects covered. They don’t even cover a fraction of what there is to learn in the world, leaving many children (neurodivergent or otherwise) completely lost in where they should focus their lessons. Some schools expand their class options with technical or vocational classes but even still there are so many options missing that could give a child a head start on their career.
Having a learning disability is hard for many reasons. One of which is because of the other people in your life, be they personal, close relationships or more superficial, everyone has opinions about who you are and what you need. Being officially diagnosed will get you resources but people will ridicule you for those resources and insist you’re cheating and don’t need them. Being unofficially diagnosed will leave you struggling with no idea why, thinking something is wrong with you.
Nothing is wrong with you. You’re just wired differently. Einstein said if you judge a fish on it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live it’s entire life thinking it’s a failure. And that applies here. You’re not “wrong” or disorderly. You’re just different. It’s unfair for others who don’t struggle as much within the confines of societal norms to make you feel that you are but also, it’s the culture and they don’t know any better.
People will tell you all sorts of things that limit you. People have their preconceived notions not only about you but also about that labels you carry around. This will lead to others (authority figures, loved ones, care givers, teachers, peers, etc) putting their limiting beliefs on you and what you’re capable of. It’s hard hearing these things but please try and remember not to embody and internalize their words and beliefs. They don’t actually have anything to do with what you’re capable or not capable of.
19:10 –
Resources are out there but you tend to have to do a lot of research to find them. Utilize Facebook groups and local word of mouth networks to find them. Stay open to the possibilities. You’re not limited, you’re just on a much different path than the majority. It’s frustrating that you have to do so much in depth research but it’s only because you’re a rare one (which is beautiful).
“Normal” is a human construct not present in nature. Each person is a unique individual beyond measure. Just because someone doesn’t fit into the boxes presented to them doesn’t mean they are sub par in any way. It only means that their particular normal is different from that of the majority. Placing them, then, into a ‘disorderly’ box as a result can have some problematic consequences for them both societally and within the psyche, limiting their potential as time goes on.
Instead of focusing on the perceived weaknesses in people (especially children) we should turn all of our attention towards their strengths and cultivate them. Just as a blind person’s hearing may strengthen in the loss of the sight, so too may someone’s abilities in one area be strengthened by struggles in another. Often you see someone who finds math challenging excel beautifully in language arts. Or mechanics instead of music, or vise versa. Arts instead of athleticism and so on.
Everyone has a gift. Some may be more obvious than others and some may be more unconventional than those widely studied. I could get on a soap box about the school system here but I’ve done that in other episodes (& plan to more as we go on).
Struggling with something that the majority of people have little problem with is always frustrating. There are both upsides and downsides to being diagnosed early on just as there are upsides and downsides to not knowing what’s going on until later in life. The general consensus is that it’s better to know as soon as you can so that adjustments may be made for the individual in question.
Due to cultural bias, both girls as well as Asian individuals find a harder time getting a diagnosis for neurodivergences and learning disabilities. Dyscalculia is a diagnosis that effects those who struggle with understanding math and numbers. Many are familiar with it’s counterpart of dyslexia. Once you know what you’re working with, you can find pathways that work for you and connections along the way of people who understand.
37:45 –
We can only teach and lead others as deeply as we ourselves have learned and understood. Many of us who find ourselves in roles of helping others with these specific things have also struggled with them and found our place through our own need to solve problems we had or have.
You’re like a rare Pokémon card. Embrace it.
We’re not trying to place blame on any one system or the individuals within it that places difficulties and stigmas on neuro minorities. However, we are bringing awareness to the existence of how things are and how they could be. With the connectivity of the internet, we now have access to new systems and understandings that could help us shape better systems for everyone in the future.
Try and be aware of not giving unsolicited advice. We understand that it’s meant well, but it almost never is received well. Instead, support and validation through active listening is where focus should be placed when trying to help someone struggling with something.
About Our Guest:
Michelle Steiner is a disability, writer, advocate, and paraeducator. She published articles on The Mighty, Non-Verbal Learning Project, Dyscalculia Blog, The Reluctant Spoonie, Imagine the World as One Magazine, and Word Gathering. Recently she began a blog called Michelle’s Mission. Her photographs were featured in Word Gathering and Independent and Work Ready. She works as a paraeducator in a school with students with disabilities. She lives in The United States with her husband and two cats.
Other Articles You May Enjoy:
- How to Navigate The Stigma of Neurodivergences and Learning Disabilities
- How to Find Energy Patterns that Alcohol is Masking so You Can Find Purpose & Fulfillment
- How Past Life Regression Can Help You Understand, Heal & Create Your Own Reality
- How to Trust Your Intuition & Give Yourself Permission to Grow & Manifest Abundance
- How to Ease the Grief Process by Normalizing Death in Our Society & Culture
About the Host
S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water
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