Wow, we unpacked a ton in this episode! We covered so much more than identity and learning who you are. Or better yet, unlearning everything everyone has put on you and said you should or shouldn’t be.

This unlearning is about reclaiming the power to write our own narrative. We get to decide what defines us, what values we hold dear, and how we want to exist in the world. It’s about owning our story, even the messy, contradictory parts, and embracing them as integral to our unique tapestry.

As we shed the layers, we uncover hidden depths within ourselves. We tap into forgotten passions, talents, and dreams buried beneath layers of societal conditioning. We discover a wellspring of creativity, resilience, and strength that we never knew we possessed.

It’s true, most of us spend our lives playing a game of Tetris, trying to fit our unique shapes into the pre-made boxes society offers. We strive for the perfect corner piece, the ideal companion cube, convinced that’s the only way to truly belong. But the truth is, our souls are not geometric blocks; we’re vibrant, swirling constellations, galaxies of experiences, emotions, and contradictions. We’re rivers that change course, blooming flowers that defy categorization. We’re fluid.

Trying to fit ourselves into boxes is like trying to hold water in a sieve. We leak, we overflow, we defy the constraints. We feel the edges pressing against our softest parts, the corners digging into our dreams. We lose our sparkle, our individuality, our ability to flow with the rhythm of our own being.

This constant struggle for conformity extracts a heavy price. It breeds anxiety, self-doubt, and a gnawing sense of inauthenticity. We become strangers to our own desires, chasing external validation instead of nurturing the fire within. We silence our authentic voice, fearing it won’t fit the script.

With so many people trying to shove us into all of their conflicting boxes, it’s a game we’ll never win. What’s best for us is to forgo this method and instead follow what makes us happy and see where it leads us to be.

Instead of seeking approval from others, we could find joy in our own rhythm, in the way our thoughts dance and our emotions ebb and flow. We could tap into the wellspring of creativity that lies dormant within, unburdened by the need to conform. We could build connections not based on fitting into molds but on the shared beauty of our boundless selves.

The world needs our fluidity, our unapologetic authenticity. It needs the kaleidoscope of perspectives, the symphony of voices that our limitless selves bring. It needs us to stop playing Tetris and start painting our own masterpieces.

So, let us dance to the rhythm of our own souls. Let us be the water that carves its own path, the wind that whispers its own stories, the stars that shine in their own constellation. Let us be the glorious, ever-changing, unboxable versions of ourselves.

Alyssa Lilly and I had an amazing episode where we walk you through our own identity struggles stemming not only from the society and culture we live in but also as parents and business owners. Life can be hard and so we also cover tools to help you navigate it.

Show Notes:

Beginning – 5:02

Cyclical embodiment and how syncing our bodies and our lives to the cycles of nature can help us find balance and flow in our lives. Noticing the ebbs and flows that naturally occur so that you can give yourself some grace when things don’t feel like they’re going as planned.

Nature’s cycles are bigger and longer than people want to allow them to be. Quick fixes don’t sustain the success of your goals. Our needs change every day and we have to be aware of that to create balance.

5:02 – 19:05

Self identity, misgendering and the controversy around it. My own struggles with femininity due to a multitude of reasons. The Law of Gender (yin and yang).

Our language creates our reality, belief systems and cultures. People get hung up on words and miss the better ways of communication.

Cultivating communication between you and yourself and how to express that with the world.

Alyssa Lilly shares their story with us on how they came out as nonbinary.

19:05 – 29:40

We’re all fighting against cultural and societal norms to find ourselves not only as an un-boxable individual but also as a business owner. Everyone always trying to tell us who we are and how we should or shouldn’t be.

We discuss the dreaded “Artist isn’t a real job” mindset we’ve all been held back by and how we should be teaching our children to follow their curiosities and support them in cultivating their interests from a young age. Unschooling.

How becoming a parent unlocks all of your inner child’s trauma to be processed and worked through.

Becoming a parent throws you into an identity crisis.

There is no greater way to heal society than supporting and caring for children and their parents. The double standard between mothers and fathers in society.

It takes everyone pitching in to live. For a while, we could thrive off of one income but these days, it takes several functional adults.

Glorifying the hustle leaves us all burnt out and sick.

31:00 – 38:45

Discussing yoga and the multi-faceted directions it gives us to cultivate our “whole-ness” and find balance between the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of ourselves.

Spirituality is often hyper-femininized in the spiritual community. Balance between both masculine and feminine energy is where we find health and healing.

We often section ourselves off into pieces and try to heal the physical separate from the mental / emotional even though it’s really all the same problem presenting itself in different ways. Addressing ourselves as a whole individual is the most ideal method of healing.

Our mind is like an untrained puppy that we need to care for and teach. We use meditation to train it. Also be sure to love your puppy, feed it properly and tell it it’s doing a good job from time to time.

38:45 – 48:00

Discussing anxiety and stress responses. It’s easier to convince the body that you’re not anxious than it is to convince the mind. There are mechanisms we can do with our body (posture, poses, etc) that will help convince the mind that we’re not anxious and to calm.

Transitioning the nervous system from the fight or flight to the rest, digest and heal.

Forgiveness is discussed and how the word “forgiveness” fails us in the sense of what should be done here to heal. A better term is “releasing” as what we’re looking for here is to release the hold that the event(s), person(s), etc have over us so that we may move forward unhindered by it.

Boundaries over grudges. Communication is key but communication is hard.

Reactions like anger point us towards what needs healing.

48:00 – End

Allowing your inner anger to come out from time to time. Channeling your anger into a geode and then smashing it can be a really good way to release angry energy.

ADHD and autism are discussed and how those of us with it have a hard time with emotional regulation and are prone to outbursts.

Pulling out your tools to practice when challenges occur. If you’ve been traveling in one direction for many years, it’s going to take some years traveling in the opposite direction to find the middle ground you’re looking for.

Tools that work today may not later. Being flexible in your tools and routines helps you to navigate change when it occurs.