How to Find Energy Patterns that Alcohol is Masking so You Can Find Purpose & Fulfillment ⋆ Earth and Water

We’ve always known alcohol has the potential to become a big problem, but the allure is too intriguing for some of us. Made even more difficult by how engrained it is into so many social cultures and how it offers an escape from the emotional struggles of human life. For those who have tasted it’s temptation and want to tread a different path, the rock and the hard place becomes the desire to fit in and be accepted (by both others and ourselves).

Alcohol makes you feel great until it doesn’t. It’s a popular and easy to come by coping mechanism for so many of us doing our best in life. Becoming the ice breaker in social interactions when you’re nervous and unsure of what to say and calming our nerves at the end of a long, hard day.

When we first decide we no longer want to use it as a tool, breaking the habit is only one step. Many of us think that simply quitting is all it takes to solve all of the problems incurred in our lives, but it may actually stir up more problems first.

Drinking helps us mask our emotions. It makes us numb to that which is uncomfortable, painful or overwhelming. It connects us with those around us if we’re in circles where it’s the cultural norm. Stopping is going to cause all of these suppressed emotions to come flooding in and may cause rifts in relationships that once felt stable. It may make you feel displaced for a bit while you navigate the routine of the habit and find other things to put in it’s place.

However, once you sift through all in front of you, the thoughts, emotions, routines, habits and what not, you can be left on the other side with a sense of wholeness and liberation. Freedom to be who you are underneath it all, with the power to cultivate what you truly want in life.

In this episode, RJ and I don’t really focus too heavily on alcohol and how to quit but rather how to get to the feelings you want on the other side of the transition and how to live with purposeful intention instead of by default. We take a somewhat alternative approach focused on moving on and letting go of the shackles drinking has placed on you through energy and mindset work.

As an ex-lineman, he has a unique perspective on energy work that I indulged in the opportunity to discuss. Just as electricity takes the path of least resistance, so does the energy in your body. These pathways are created by default, being directed and maneuvered based on your thoughts, actions and experiences in life. Default pathways often get us negative consequences, but intentional and positive pathways can be formed with just a little awareness.

Let us know what you think!

Beginning –

Many people focus on the “quitting” aspect of getting sober when they decide to make some changes in their lives. RJ, much like my own coaching philosophies, encourages us to instead focus on what we’re wanting to bring into our lives rather than what we’re hoping to vanquish. Focusing on alcohol and the quitting of it is still pouring all of your energy into it, feeding the problem.

We have to turn our focus to why we’re drinking in the first place and it’s often because alcohol is doing something for us, whether it be quieting the pain we hold inside or helping us come out of our shell.

Understanding electricity and how it works can help us understand how our own energy pathways work. Electricity, which is a physical representation of energy (although, let us remember that all matter is physical manifestation of energy) follows the path of least resistance. These pathways are created by us throughout our bodies by our habits, thoughts and actions. Energy is going to continue to follow these established pathways until we make the conscious effort to change them through new habits, thoughts and actions.

If you allow your current to flow at random, just like if you had poor electrical wiring in a house, you risk negative consequences manifesting (like a fire burning your whole house to the ground). So it’s important to carefully wire your own pathways within your mind and body so that you can conduct that flow more mindfully, consciously and productively.

Learning who we are and how to step into that authentic version of ourselves is one of the things that causes us the most turmoil as people whether we realize it or not. If we’re living our fullest truth, everything is great in our lives. We’re happy, peaceful and thankful of all that we have and are.

Many of us drink in an effort to find acceptance and belonging but there’s a difference between fitting in and belonging. Fitting in is when you feel as though you have to act or be a certain way in order to be accepted and belonging is when those around you love and accept you for who you are. Most of us are juggling a different version of ourselves based on where we are and who’s around. Finding your true, authentic self means finding the person you are in all of these situations, underneath it all.

Without the developmental-growth work behind the mask, something like simply stopping drinking isn’t going to fix your problems. It may lessen them, but it also may allow for other problems to surface. You have to find the underlying root cause of the issues in the first place. The energetic patterns that are causing the physical manifestations.

This need to mask is caused by our own inner critics and how we feel about ourselves. Most of the time, people aren’t really judging us, we just think they are because we’re judging us. Finding acceptance in yourself for who you are will allow for the masks to begin to fall off, revealing who you truly are behind them. It’s true, some people won’t like this and you may find conflict in relationships that once felt stable, but it only shows what was conditionary and what was authentic love. Losing people may happen, and it may be very hard, but it will be worth it in the end as that which is lost is replaced with that which is meaningful and fulfilling.

For sure, there is a little bit of “how to act” you have to bring to various situations. For example, at work you may need to be more serious and focused whereas at home you can be more silly and playful (but also I’m a big advocate for being a ‘real’ human in all settings and professionalism doesn’t have to mean stuffy and fake). But the things you can always being across the board are your values and priorities. In which case, you need to be clear on in order to embody them.

16:30 –

“Masking” has been popularized by the neurodivergent community but it is something most humans do, regardless of their mental classification, in an attempt to fit in. It’s natural and innate for our culture to try and guide us towards a certain way of being. We’re social creatures and historically needed the village in order to survive. Anyone ostracized from the community in the past wouldn’t stand much of a chance in surviving on their own. This innate human thing is often felt most strongly in families.

Nothing in our lives is more more impactful, important or painful than the relationships we have. We get hung up on romantic relationships and become completely blind to the relationships we have with our friends, family, self, food, money, etc. Everything in our life is a relationship and learning how to cultivate them all in an honest and compassionate way will help you in all areas of your life.

People sometimes become combative when you begin to show your true self for a few reasons. For one, your shattering all of the preconceived notions they had about you, activating their cognitive dissonance. Also, everyone else wants to be their true, authentic selves too but they don’t know how, where to start and it’s hard.

All judgements are rooted in insecurity. When you judge yourself or others, it’s based in an insecurity that you hold. When others judge you or someone else, it’s because of an insecurity within them. We all do it. Just remember when you notice judgements that they’re mirrors being held up for you to know yourself deeper and gives you direction for towards the work that needs to be done.

When you stop judging yourself and others, those around you stop “judging” you as well. Then you’re free to simply be who you want to be and step into the complete liberation of that. Unconstricted by insecurities and able to breathe.

30:00 –

Gratitude is so heavily talked about because it helps you to learn how to control your focus which means controlling your energy and placing it where you want rather than allowing it to run wild, stirring up and feeding all sorts of things that need not be draining you.

When you focus on the problem, you’re feeding it. You’re still staying stuck on it, feeding and perpetuating it. When you turn your focus to what you want instead, that becomes what you feed and grow instead. We all have only so much energy/attention to work with each day. Make sure it’s going to what you want and it’ll naturally crowd out what you don’t.

Our body and mind speaks to us through not our thoughts and words, but through our emotions and feelings. Cravings, when dissected, are often attached to patterns that have little to nothing to do with the actual craving. Once you get to the bottom of what’s causing the craving, it begins to dissipate. Just like you calm when you feel heard, so does your soul/body/mind.

Our words matter and can point us towards better ways of being because our thoughts become our words become our actions. For example, we may use the phrase “I can’t have alcohol” which isn’t true. You could, but do you WANT to? Is that truly the life you want for yourself and your family? “Can’t” puts the power externally. “I don’t want/like alcohol and what it does for me” puts the power in your hands. It leaves YOU in control.

There’s a sense of comfort in the things we’re familiar with, even if they aren’t good for us. “Stick with the devil you know”, right? It’s easier and gives us a false sense of safety to continue on our own paths of least resistance rather than putting forth the effort to forge new paths and patterns for ourselves. Many of us aren’t even sure what we actually want. Start with only 1-3 things.

Your mind and you are two separate things. We think it’s all the same but it’s not. Your mind will be popping all sorts of intrusive thoughts up based on it’s programming. You are the conscious observer in the background going, “What? Where did that come from?” Being aware of this can help you to manage it.

Our communication skills are worse than we all think. We have these feelings and emotions and we want so badly to define them in order to be understood and heard but true communication lies in the background. It’s the underlying energy of what’s trying to be communicated that matters more than the words. We rely too much on words and tend to miss everything else. Which is why we get confused, portraying anger when we’re actually hurt or projecting judgement when we’re actually insecure. We don’t even communicate with OURSELVES well.

This is why it’s important for us to take a moment and analyze what’s going on rather than just jumping on whatever emotional train is running through at the moment because there’s a high likelihood that it’s the wrong train entirely.

Make sure you’re actually enjoying how you spend your time. Sometimes we get caught in patterns that are easy or accepted, and forget that we need to enjoy our time on earth in this life. People think that happiness looks and feels like excitement when the truth is that it looks and feels like the calm peacefulness of serenity. Thinking it looks like excitement leads you to the constant chase of the next thrill, “chasing the dragon” as it’s been referred to in some circles.

48:50 –

Be careful of escapism.

Sometimes you have to cut your brain out of the conversation entirely. The chakra system helps direct us to the truth of what’s going on without the need for scouring our minds for answers. These energy pathways that we’ve been discussing direct energy throughout our bodies and are mapped out by the things we encounter, be it malevolent or not. Learning how to work with the chakra system in relation to how we feel and where we feel it in our bodies can bypass the overwhelm of discovery by narrowing down the topics in question in this specific moment, rather than trying to conquer the whole of our being in a single session (which is unworkable).

Boundaries are discussed.

Like I say all of the time, it doesn’t matter if something is true or not. Focus on whether or not it’s HELPFUL.

Alan Watts is incredible.

Embrace the chaos of life but with a sense of discipline.

About Our Guest:

RJ is a father of two, This Naked Mind Certified Self Discovery After Alcohol coach, and the founder of Untapped Keg, a podcast about sobriety and mental health. Through his personal experiences and insights on sobriety, which includes over 10 years of not drinking alcohol, and mental health, RJ encourages others to break the stigma and start living their best lives beyond alcohol. He wants to help people understand that accepting themselves is the key to feeling free in life and to self-compassion, which is how they can genuinely give compassion to others as well.