How to be a Non-Stressed Party Host (Even if you have small children) ⋆ Earth and Water

I’m an introvert that would rather be the party host at gatherings than GO to the gatherings. This may seem a bit odd since going to the gatherings adds the ability to escape if need be. But staying in my space reduces anxiety and actually gives me MORE opportunity for escape.

At other people’s houses, I have nothing to occupy my nervous energy. If I’m not given something to do then I’m forced to sit awkwardly in a corner until someone engages conversation (Often times, I designate myself babysitter and hide out with the kids).

At my own home, hosting and tending to guest’s needs gives me something to do and if I hit a blank spot, I can fold some laundry or clean something.

Also, as a mom of 2 small children, it’s easier to deal with them in their space than it is in someone else’s. I can understand where some hate hosting because of the mess and stress, but for me, it’s a walk in the park and so so SO much more preferable.

Plan Ahead (Even if it’s too late)

Even if you just have a few days left until your shin dig, sit down with a piece of paper (or a Trello board (af)) and brainstorm everything about the gathering.

Is it a potluck or are you furnishing the food?
- If it’s a potluck, make sure everyone knows what they’re expected to bring.
- If you’re furnishing food, what is it? List it out.
Make a shopping list and execute the shopping a day or 2 in advance so you have extra time if you forgot something.
What needs to be done around the house? List it out. Do what you can a day or two in advance.
Are you decorating? How so? Try and do that early.
Will there be games?
So on and so forth.

List out everything, everything, everything you can think of about the event. The sooner you do this, the less stressed of a party host you’ll be. I’m serious. Do it 2 months in advance. It’ll feel great!

Visualize the entire event in your head from start to finish, even before it. See the day of the event. See yourself waking up that morning,

What do you do?
How do you dress?
How do you feel?

Take the time to meditate on it all. Follow yourself in your mind’s eye throughout the day. Take notes on your planning platform as you do it.

Acknowledge that it probably won’t go exactly (or anything) like this visualization and that’s okay. It’ll happen exactly how it’s suppose to for our highest good. Relax into it.

Don’t try to please everyone

We won’t and can’t please everyone. Don’t try to. It’s an event for everyone, yes, so being mindful of other’s needs and preferences is great. But don’t stress yourself out trying to make sure EVERYONE is happy. Do what works for you.

This person doesn’t like that person? Invite them both anyway.

Dude over there is vegan? Veggie trays are easy and there you go.

EVERYONE has preferences or guidelines they try to or would like to follow. That’s their problem, not yours. Tell them you acknowledge their struggles but couldn’t handle it which means they’re heroes for succeeding at that everyday. They’ll appreciate the recognition.

As someone with food allergies, I can assure you I’ve been the one at gatherings who has little to nothing to eat and becomes frustrated with the going-abouts. That’s my problem. Not the hosts. If you want to accommodate everyone, great.

If you don’t or can’t, don’t stress about it. It’s fine. Those who live a certain way are use to it and often times make their own arrangements to survive.

If person A & person B get into it, it doesn’t (probably) ruin things for everyone. It just provides entertainment and makes for some interesting stories and great memories.

Not everyone’s going to want XYZ or to participate in THAT or be a part of THIS. Whatever. Do what’s making you happy and see the next point.

Ditch Perfectionism My Dear Party Host

No one’s perfect. Give up the act. No one’s house is spotless (Especially if you have kids). No one’s gatherings look like those in the movies. If you wanna shoot for magical, reference this post, but know that it’s all EXTRA.

You can be extra, but you by no means HAVE to be. What’s important is that you provide a place and some guidelines for others to come and celebrate togetherness.

People just want some food and company. They’re not going to notice if you scrubbed the tiles in the shower or dusted the top of your fridge. And they definitely don’t care about the center pieces or the direction the lines on the couch pillows are facing.

Allow yourself to relax. Overthinking it is the worst part.

Recruiting Help is a Must

It’s ok to ask for help. People WANT to help. They just need a little direction and guidance.

Reach out to guests and ask if they’d be willing to pick something up for you, watch the kids while you clean and get ready or come help you cook or situate everything.

When someone reaches out to you and says “If you need anything let me know” JUMP ON IT with a “I’d love some help with this, this or that, do one of those things sound like something you’d like to help with?” You already know what needs to be done because you made your list, let someone check something off of it for you.

We tend to glamorize and glorify doing everything ourselves. We want to prove ourselves and we feel like everyone expects us to do everything on our own. This is a new thing in society, though.

Before the age of technology, everyone came together to do these sorts of things. It’s honestly unrealistic to expect to do it all yourself. You probably CAN. But it’s stressful and really, SHOULD you? Doing it WITH someone offers an opportunity at bonding with them!

People want to be helpful and useful. Most just don’t know how or what to do. Be a leader. Delegate some work. Put someone in charge of the food, someone else in charge of the games, etc. Working together brings everyone closer together!

Affirmation Station For the Party Host

I am enough
Anything I choose to do is perfect
Anything I choose not to do is fine
Everything will happen as it should
Unexpected events make for great future stories
I only NEED to be happy and stress free
It is what it is
I’m making it more complex than it needs to be
It’s fine
I don’t have to control everything
I don’t have to do it all alone
I can ask for help where I need it
It’s ok if I don’t get to everything
No one will notice probably anyway
People just want food and company

Take the affirmations you need and read them over out loud 10 times. Keep them with you and come back to them if you begin to feel yourself becoming stressed or anxious. Make some of your own and drop them in the comments for us!

You’ve got this. Ain’t nothin’ to it, but to do it.

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