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Happiness

Don’t Manage Your Anger. Learn How to Heal It Instead.

Don’t Manage Your Anger. Learn How to Heal It Instead.

I was a very angry teenager for various reasons we’re not going to get into here. I never talked but when I did it was often explosive.

My relationships all suffered because of this. I spent most of my early life alone because of my high expectations and anger issues.

I rarely get angry these days though. It takes a lot to set me off and is often times only able to be done by my husband.

Ever since I’ve learned to control my anger, my relationships have thrived and I’m happier than I have ever been.

You see, anger is a manifestation of hurt. Angry people are most often in some sort of pain, usually emotional, usually stemming from not being loved properly.

“Managing” anger may not be what you should be looking towards, although it is a good start. “Healing” that which is causing you to be angry is a much better direction to focus on.

Understanding Your Anger

Take out a piece of paper and detail everything you’re angry about. When you have a nice complete list, look over it and decide what hills you’re going to die on. If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t let it take up space in your head.

  • Is any of it petty and egotistical?
  • Is any of it self absorbed? (Most is)
  • Does any of it stem from your expectations of what “should” be?

Really pick apart who and what you’re angry with until you can find the root of where it started. Is your anger presenting itself because:

  • You don’t think they should do/say/be that?
  • They’ve acted in a way you consider unacceptable?

Or is it really because:

  • You see aspects of yourself that you dislike in them?
  • You’re angry at yourself?
  • You’re angry at the situation?
  • You’re jealous?
  • Of your unmet expectations? (Possibly even ones they didn’t know existed)

Often times, we only think we’re angry at the other individual but we’re really angry at ourselves. We’re not mad that they did the thing, we’re mad because we let ourselves fall for it, we trusted them, we’re jealous, we dislike ourselves, etc.

When someone truly loves themselves, other people’s actions don’t bother us because they’re not effecting our happiness or our energy.

Anger With People

I know people can do some really nasty things. I know a lot of people believe you shouldn’t forgive these people but forgiveness doesn’t mean what they did was okay.

Forgiveness means you won’t allow them and what they did to have any power over you. When someone makes you angry, sad or gains any kind of negative reaction from you, you’re giving them your power.

Forgiveness is being able to let go of the pain of the past so that you can thrive in the present and future. You can’t reach that happiness and bliss without releasing the pain and anger you feel for what happened.

There are unfathomable things that people do to one another. Holding onto the anger from these things is only going to allow the negative energy that stems from them to continue its journey into the world and others. You can make a conscious decision to let it end with you.

You can chose to do the work required to break the cycles and heal yourself. In doing this, you create a better life for yourself and the ones your life effects. And when we improve ourselves, we improve the world as a whole.

The vast majority of people aren’t truly evil. Most villains are the heros of their own story (Pay attention to them in movies and why they do what they do). People who think that they’re doing what’s best. People who think that they are justified in their actions and are doing the right thing.

It’s best to remember and recognize that most people are just hurt people doing the best that they can with what they have available to them at any given time.

Less understandingly so with the access to the internet these days but we’re just now REALLY getting into a society and culture that utilizes this access. Remember, there wasn’t such thing just a few decades ago.

Be patient with change. Be patient with yourself and above all, be patient with other people. Most are like injured children, lashing out for help, love and attention.

Anger About the World

The news can be a real source of anger. Trust that the world IS improving. It’s better than it use to be even if it may not seem it. We just have more access to the happenings of the world now so it seems like a LOT of terrible things.

You should definitely have a cause you believe in and pursue, but trust me when I say this can get really overwhelming really quick. When you’re conscious of all of the things in life that could be better, you can get quickly stressed about it.

Know the difference between things you can help and things you can’t. Can you channel your anger towards a cause and make a difference? Absolutely! You’re only going to be able to REALLY help like 1-2 causes though (Unless you’re super wealthy) so choose something you can focus on for years.

Otherwise, just stop using a straw, get a reusable coffee cup and let the rest be someone else’s battle. Know your highest, truest self and what your path is in this life. Focus on that.

Do what you can to lead by example and let the rest go. It’s okay for not all of the causes to be your hill to die on. People are fighting it. I promise.

Tips for Managing Anger

Understanding all of the above and working through that is the key to less anger. It’s not going to happen instantly though. All things take time to grow and manifest and that includes healing and becoming accustomed to a calmer composure.

  • Make sure you’re taking care of yourself and your needs first
    • We’re more likely to lash out when we feel sick, tired, depleted and unappreciated.
  • Practice gratitude daily.
    • When we’re focusing on what we’re thankful for, love and enjoy, our vibrations are higher and therefore further away from that of anger.
  • Create space in your life.
    • Crowded minds and spaces lead to overwhelm and overwhelm leads to anger. Clear clutter in your possessions and schedules. Make sure you have room to breathe.
  • Practice the pause.
    • Pause before you react. Always. Pause and breathe before you answer, respond, speak or anything when interacting with people. Pause and breathe even when vibes are high to ensure you can do it when tension is.
  • Make time for the things that matter.
    • Don’t take life so seriously. We’re only here for a short time and we don’t have time to waste. Spend time with loved ones and doing what you enjoy. Focus on what makes your soul feel whole and let all of that other, unimportant stuff fall to the wayside.

If you found this article of any benefit, share it with your friends. If you could use some help, message me about personal coaching and we can move through it together, at your own pace.

Let us know in the comments below how you manage your anger and what helps!

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Author

Savannah Shea Blake Profile picture

S.S.Blake; Spiritual Life Coach, Yoga + Meditation Teacher and Founder of Earth and Water

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